Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Am I a Hard Hearted Hannah or a Wise Woman?

Last Thanksgiving Bob's Niece became engaged to be married. They planned the wedding for the following October in Sedona Arizona. Bob had strong reservations about going.

To be fair he had a condition at that time that was severely limiting his ability to even leave the house and our ability to afford such a trip was non- existant. But I told everyone that if it was humanly possibly we would be there.

Well he had surgery and his quality of life was much improved. We started taking him out to do things that we had always enjoyed. The first outing was with some friends, we went to Bayview Idaho on Lake Pend O' Reille to view the fireworks. This had been a family tradition from back when the kids were really small and Bob had missed it for several years because of being ill. Robin and Diane made sure that Bob knew that they cared more about spending time with him that what condition he was in. The message started to sink in. The next week a customer gave him the gift of a mobility scooter, which, as any of you who know Bob will not be surprised by, he promptly took apart.
He even painted the motor housing




He had me painting the Body

Taking it for a Spin after it was put back together

This was a wonderful gift and is one of the items that has had the biggest positive impact on his life since he became disabled. When one has a project like this it always works best if you have a deadline, so I made the Port Townsend Wooden Boat Festival our deadline.

Here's how the Hard Hearted Hannah comes in. He was intrigued enough with the scooter that he was willing to accept the festival as the deadline to get the scooter in working order. However he did fuss a bit and tell me he was relunctant to go. I further told him that it would be a dry run for the big event and that would be the wedding in Arizona, to which he flatly stated that he was unable to go, to which I would reply "We'll see". And so it went, repeatedly. He fussed and I held firm.

Now I totally understand his position, We had never taken such a huge trip since he had been ill and he is embarassed for people he knew when he was healthy seeing him in his current condition. He is very uncomfortable and sure that people will have a negative response. I knew for certain that he needs to get over the embarassment, that those who love him want to see him and I will not allow him to become a hermit. I was unsure that we would be able to handle the trip, so keeping in mind that it could be a complete disaster I did promise that he would never have to do it again.

Gradually the trip to Port Townsend arrived, the scooter was ready and away we went. While he was relunctant to see people he hadn't seen since he became ill, the trip wasn't too long for him and the lure

of the sea and wooden boats called him. We also had the help of our friends Trudy and Jeff. So the trip to Port Townsend commenced.
We set him up with his laptop in the back of Trudy's Yukon and loaded up the scooter behind us
He got so confident with the scooter the secound day that he ditched us
we later found him at this seminar
It was a very sucessful trip
We learned a lot on that trip, so I put a lot of time in thought and preparation in planning for the trip to Az. He still did not want to go but I held firm and he finally gave in. He was really very nervous about all the aspects. His list of worries went like this:

  1. It's not safe for me to go on an airplane I could catch a cold from someone and it could kill me
  2. My family will be shocked by how I look, I don't want them to see me this way
  3. This is too far, too hard and too expensive.
and so it went.

But I held firm and told him he needed to go
  1. They loved him and this was an important event
  2. We learned a lot of thing on the Festival trip that will help us on this trip
  3. He would break Michelle's heart (He said this was playing dirty)
All three nieces came to the hotel to walk thier Uncle Bob over to the Resort




He was never ignored all weekend

The wedding was beautiful



And the Bride was thrilled to have him there

He had a wonderful time, and we both had a terrific vacation. I had forgotten how much fun he could be to travel with and It was so much more fulfilling to go a share things with him than to go by myself and then try to tell him about it. He even went four wheeling with me through the Red Rock country.
We dared to take the rental car

The scenery was amazing and we got to see it together
The reason he's so fun to travel with- we get to see things most others don't
He was invited into the cockpit during a layover
So why did I call this title this blog "Hard Hearted Hannah" ? Because even though I was endeavoring to do what was right for Bob, to push him when he needed pushing, I occasionally worried that I was so involved in making him go that maybe I was missing something and He really shouldn't go.
It's again that balance thing. We are constantly walking that fine edge of what is good for him and what isn't. Always I keep it in my mind, I try to keep a backup plan so that if it goes south we can deal with the emergency. At one point he thought he was having a gall bladder attack (it was possible) and I had to research what we needed to do if he needed to go to the ER in Sedona.

In the end He had a wonderful time and even conceeded that since he was doing better than last year (in the ways that count for a trip) he might be willing to go on another trip. I am so glad I stuck to my guns and so very glad that it all worked out well