Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Spa night - Creative adjusting to life with Parkinson's Disease

I had not reached the ripe old age of 50 when I was given the news that my husband had Parkinson's. So I still feel as if I am a reasonably young wife with maybe another 40-45 yrs left in me. I am relatively healthy, active and stronger than most women my age. Bob calls me "Forklift Suzie" because of the weights I can lift when I am moving freight off the store's truck or remodeling another store. We had planned to start a boat delivery service shortly after we recieved our Captain's licenses. Bob actually recieved his but I am still waiting to accomplish enough current sea time. That however has been put on hold for now. So at that particular time we were certainly not focused on a more restricted life but looking forward to more outside the box adventurous life path. It was like a Semi-truck hit us blindside, we did not see this one coming at all.

We faced a very steep learning curve on how to cope with this disabling disease, as we now realized that some of the things we thought were temporary difficulties were actually permanent obstacles to overcome. Balance seems to be the best word to hang onto during this adjustment, Humor and Creativity would be the other essential components needed to navigate these muddy waters.

Since PD is a degenerative disease we will continue to have to modify and adjust; but in the begining it was mind boggling and we swung from one extreme to another. The problem seems to be how much do we do to compensate for this new life? The best analogy would be how much do I help him? What does he really need and what do I need to let him do by himself. So it quickly became apparent that there were certain things that he needed help with such as preparing his food so that he could manage it, using spoons bowls and straws. There were other situations where I was being too helpful, like getting in his way to help him get out of the car when really all he needs is for me to be ready to help if he asks for it. Last but not least and certainly embarassing to admit it, there were areas I was totally missing that he needed help.

One of the areas that I missed was Bob's regular hygiene routine. Bob is a very modest man and for one reason or another I did not notice that he was struggling with some very basic tasks and he was modifying his routine to compensate for his difficulties. He was too modest and /or embarrassed to bring it to my attention and I was too occupied by everything else to notice, frankly I was probably not looking for another task to add to the numerous tasks I was already taking on. However it began to overwhelm his abilites to cope.

It started fairly innocently- I gave him an Mani/Pedi. He has had problems with his skin since he was in the Navy and he was having some issues with his feet so as a lark I gave him the full treatment. It was fun and I was still oblivious. Shortly after he kept asking if I could do it again and I complied. By now I had noticed that he had a real dandruff problem and  flaky skin in his beard and face so I suggested that he exfoliate his face and scalp. I offered to show him what to do and declared that we would have a full on "Spa Night".

Once I embarked on the adventure of "Spa Night" I became aware of some of his challenges. His hands are no longer as coopereative as they once were and washing had become extremely difficult.The hands are stiff and the fingers don't function well as independant unit, this meant that the movcement we know as "hand washing or wringing" was nearly impossible for him. Also because of his difficulties he was unable to maintain his routine and had longer and longer lapses between sessions.

Well when I began "Spa Night" I had also become very involved in the process and was enjoying it. So after recognizing his needs I decided that this would become a regular event. One of the things I noticed was that his skin was improving and it was a fun and intimate way of caring for more that just his personal hygiene needs. Every couple needs fun, romance and intimacy in thier marriage and this was a perfect way to do so.

At first he was a little relunctant to accept the help. He was embarrassed by what he referred to as being bathed by another person. He felt like an infant, he said.Well being the fun creative and flirty person that I am  I resonded with " Honey- it's Spa Night - we exfoliate, shampoo and condition, and get slippery with soap. Some men pay for this service but you get it compimentary with marriage."  This seemed to put it into a perspective that he could accept. He now looks forward to "Spa Night" and we make sure it's a regular part of our routine.

In the need to provide help to our loved one we can often become overburdened with the drudgery of it all. We can be desperate for a little fun and "Me" time. I offer this as an example to help both of you out. If there is anyway that you can provide the help needed in a fun way it will produce amazing benefits for both of you help keep your marraige balanced and healthy.