In the last month many have asked me "What are your plans?" And the most simplistic answer is that I do not have any. But the truth is a little more complex than that. What I am going to do is, not make any major changes, to learn how to live on my own, take time to heal physically, emotionally, and thru study of the word, prayer and seek his presence and will in my life.
I call it spending time out on the balcony. I got the call to do this last October at the Women's retreat. God clearly told me I needed to "Go back to the Balcony". This phrase has a particular meaning for me, let me explain.
When Bob first became sick with the Adrenal gland tumor we lived in a second story apartment that had the most wonderful balcony you could imagine. Our building was one of several that surrounded a huge open green space and we had so many trees growing around our balcony that you could just imagine that you were out in the wilderness. I spent a whole summer out there reading the word and seeking God.
Our whole life was changing and we didn't know what we should do. Bob was sick, My job was in limbo, all of my family had moved out of Spokane. What should we do? The most natural thing for us would have been to pack up and moved to Portland with the rest of the family. But through that summer of prayer and seeking We were told to stay.
Because of that summer on the balcony I learned to hear His voice and obey. Because I obeyed, all the mighty wonders that have been chronicled in this Blog occurred. So when I heard him say "Go back to the Balcony" I knew it was time to renew my study in the word and to seek His presence with the single mindedness of that summer.
I tried to start doing that right away, I sort of thought he was talking about getting prepared for loosing Bob. I have learned that there really is no getting prepared for that and Bob's needs made it almost impossible to have an extended daily quiet time with God. Thankfully through the years I have continued to study and pray and I believe those years sustained me as I tried to catch a moment with God every time I could. He carried me, I know this because that's what friends do when you need help. I have a relationship with Him that allowed me to lean on Him and let Him minister to me while I ministered to Bob.
The first week of life after Bob was taken up with getting ready for his memorial service and going down to California to bury him. During that week God's command became clear. Now was the time he was talking about. When I came back from California, He wanted me to "Go back to the Balcony." So with clarity I spoke to Mark the owner/ boss man and we agreed that I would be staying on when I came back.
My family would love nothing more than to have packed me up and moved me to Portland. But that's not what God want's me to do. He wants me to stay put, spend time in His word and seek Him in prayer. He wants me to rest and heal and grow closer to Him so that when He speaks to me and tells me what His plans are for me, I'll be ready, I'll hear His voice clearly.
I know He has plans for me, during one of my bible study's He told me so and if I wasn't clear on that I could always refer to the scripture.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
So If you want to know what my plans are. I am staying here in Spokane surrounded by an amazing community of friends and believers. I am staying on at the Mini-storage and I am "Going back to the Balcony" to wait on God.