Thursday, May 19, 2011

Provisions in the Desert Place

In the previous post I mentioned that God had provided our current living situation and promised that I would tell this story. It shows so very clearly that God is loyal and devoted to his people, even when we are in the desert place we can know that he is there and taking care of us.

Several years ago Bob became deathly ill. He was having horrific headaches that were triggered by simply moving or standing up. This was the begining of a journey that took about two years before we found out that the cause was a rare tumor in his adrenal gland. We had it removed and thought that when he recovered we could start over and go back to the original plan of deliviering boats and becoming charter boat captains.

During the time that he was struggling with this unknown fiend I was going through a very trying time at my job, lost my position and was struggling to make it as a Real Estate Agent. Just about the time that we had discovered what was wrong with Bob and what the solution was we had gone through all of our savings and were at the point where we never knew when the next check was going to come. Time and time again I would close escrow, recieve a check, pay the bills and then sit down and say to God  "What next? I don't even have a client in the pipeline". One particular time the phone rang immediately after that prayer and I sold another house and the cycle started over again. So I was learning to lean on God and trust him.

We had reached the point that we had to go to Seattle for Bob's surgery and because of the time required to facilitate this I was unable to tend to any clients leaving a huge gap in our finances. For several months I had been working two jobs and scraping by, I noticed however that our grocery bill was not eating up as much of the budget as it normally did and I wondered about it. When I finally figured out how we were able to afford to eat I was staggered by God's provision and the precious people who he had brought into our lives.

God's people, they are so precious to me. I had been attending a ladies bible study and become good friends with the leader. She in turn became friends with Bob and was having him work on her computer. He had a medication that helped him avoid the headaches but he was still fragile. Since she was familiar with taking care of fragile people I trusted her when she would pick him up and bring him to her house and have him there all day. She would call me at work and tell me she had him and if I came by to pick him up later would I like to stay for dinner? For several months I enjoyed the company of Leone, her husband Bob, and the widows and friends that gathered around her table nightly. That's what my epiphany was- Leone knew and she was feeding us. I found that I was only buying food for breakfast and a few dinners a week. She and God were caring for us and we had not even had to ask. They knew and they did.

So as we prepare to go to Seattle for surgery, we know that we will be returning to an empty bank account and our rent will be due. We don't even have the money for the gas to go to seattle or the hotel that I have to stay in for a week. The ladies bible study handed me a check. I had not shared my concerns- God told them.
Before we left for Seattle we recieved another gift. Leone's best friend Brigitte Janke and her son Mark owned a Mini-storage facility and were looking for a couple to be thier Resident Managers. So as we went to Seattle we knew that after Bob's recovery we would be taking over this position and moving into a new home. Bob would be the manager, Iwould continue my jobs while at the same time assisting him. We figured we would stay there and help rebuild our finances and when Bob was recovered maybe we could resume our plans.

I was grateful and surprised by God's provision but at the time I did not realize how well he had taken care of us. Bob slowly improved but unfortunately not as well as we would have liked. We were puzzled by his very slow recovery. Just about a year after we had moved to the Mini storage we recieved the news that the doctors believed Bob had Parkinson's Disease. He continued to get worse and two years later he was fully disabled and the doctors were concerned because he was degenerating much faster that the expected. Then  in February if 2011 he was diagnosed with Multiple Systems Atrophy Parkinsonian. MSA with Parkinson's symptoms.

And so here we are Bob has a job that provides our housing and he has to resign because he is unable to continue to work. However I am able to take over his job and become the Resident Manager and we don't loose the job or our home. This job enables me to be at home to care for Bob, and while other couples work full time jobs and see each other for a few hours each night, I get to be near or with Bob all day. We know that his time will be shorter than we could wish for so we enjoy this time. God knew long before we did that we would need this place more than we could ever imagine. He hand picked and handcrafted it for our needs.

God provides, even way back when Bob was in the Navy, who knew that because of his service he would be able to have medical care? God did! Evrything that we have and are depending on are gifts from God. Friends, Church, Employers, Mechanics, Doctors every one and everything. Praise God he is so good.

Even though we have to walk in the desert place Blessed be His Name!

After thought- We do not know how or why Bob has this disease. We do not believe that he is being "punished". We do not beleive this for two reasons. Often we are subject to health issues because we live in a fallen world and stuff happens. Also Bob was given a verse that encouraged him. He was worried that maybe he had commited some huge sin and he was being punished , but God reassured him, with this verse:
"Now, as Jesus passed by, he saw a man who was blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, saying "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him." John 9:1-3

Other versions say "for this purpose" We do not begin to understand all of God's purposes or how He plans to make them all come about, but Bob and I beleive that God is using this disease in our lives for His purposes and we are ready and willing to be participnats in God's will and work. We will give our testimony to God's goodness in our lives and His loving care. We will always shine the light on what is so fortunate in our lives and give God the Glory for it.

So now you know how we believe that God has been with us all along and how he is providing for us. I hope that you can take a closer and harder look at your life and see his hand in areas that you previously had no idea he was working and then you too can have a heart filled with joy and gratitude that will lift you up when you are in the desert place.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Moving to the Next Phase

The month of April (and also May) have been emotionally difficult. We have had to make Bob's diagnosis official by calling the Social Security office and filing a claim for disability. In the process Bob submitted his resignation to our boss Mark and I was given the official title of Manager. Although we all know the true manager is really Spike the cat. We are now in the process of moving Bob and his Bob cave upstairs. He is no longer requires to have his Bob Cave next to the office and moving him upstairs will put him and everything he needs on one level. This will also save me at least 3 trips up/down each time Bob needs something.

On one hand I am excited about the benefits that all these changes will bring about. However as I move through them and complete each necessary step I grieve. When I handed Mark the resignation letter, I had to go upstairs and have a good cry. It is a very sad moment when a man is forced to end this phase of his life. I spent this morning replying to and filling the requests of the SS dept and writing a cover letter. I became overwhelmed emotionally at one point and had to take a break. I forced myself to complete it and it is now in the hands of the USPS. I also had to address some unfinished business regarding a private transaction and in doing so had to explain Bob's situation. Both the issue and the explanation took some of the steam out of me. I still have one more area to address but I'm so tired and wrung out now that "I'll do it another day".

There now I have posted my current mood and feelings - or is that "Blogged". Now I want to go on to say how grateful I am!. This transition is necessary and we will reap great benefits from it and hopefully we won't have too many more "transitions" for a long while and we can get down to make the best of this time and enjoy it. How can we be grateful and joyful you ask?

God is taking care of us.

Firstly he provided the roof over our heads and the job that comes with it. The story is an amazing one of how we received this job and how it was tailor made for us long before we knew what we would need. It truly was a work of God and I'll post it as a separate post so this one won't be too long. (I know every thing I write is long). So.... We have a home and we were able to keep it by having me take over the job. We did not have to have a huge upheaval to make this change, like finding new housing or even a new job in this economy. All the changes so far have been on paper.

Secondly He has provided me with the ability to be Bob's full time care taker. Because we live where I work I am at home most of the day and available to care for Bob. I get to enjoy the day being near or with my husband. We don't know how many years we have left and he is still an enjoyable companion so instead of having to shut him up in an apartment all day while I work 40hrs or more a week with a few hours each day together, I get to enjoy him and fill my heart up with memories of Bob.

Thirdly He has provided resources I never dreamed of. Over the last 5 years it always seemed that if there was a program or benefit to be had we some how didn't qualify. I stressed out how I was going to care for him all the way to the end. I can't afford to house him in a nursing home if and when the time comes, and I had no idea how I was going to afford taking care of "his final arrangements". Also in between, there are going to be those times when I will need someone else to come in and take care of him and that can be expensive.One by one God has brought us the resources we need and some that I had no idea existed. When all the dust clears and everything is in place we should be in good shape for awhile. What a relief!

Lastly He has provide us a community. We have an amazing Neurologist - Dr. Heidi Heller. She gets who Bob is and relates to him very well at the same time she doesn't forget about the impact this has on me. I am going to an amazing church where I have made more close friends in 2.5 yrs than I have the whole 17yrs I've been in Spokane. Not to mention the Bible teaching is so Spirit filled and lead by God- I am blessed every time. Even though it can be risky I was encouraged to come to church Mother's Day and I was truly blessed on a day that is usually very painful due to our infertility. Last but not least are our home, Jobs and Bosses. We are so blessed the jobs have been very accommodating and the respective bosses are very supportive .

So while I may be slogging through the mud of red tape and emotional mine fields my heart is full of gratitude that is reflected in the song "Blessed be Your Name"

Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name when I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name

Chorus:
Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say:

Blessed be the name of the Lord !
Blessed be Your name!
Blessed be the name of the Lord!
Blessed be Your Glorious name!

Blessed be Your name when the sun's shinning down on me
When the World's "all as it should be"
And blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering
though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Chorus:
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name


Written by Beth and Matt Redman