Up until now Bob has been steadily but gently declining, each year I can see that he has needed more and more help but it hasn't been so dramatic or burdensome. One year he can get in and out of bed, then he needs help a couple of times and months later you realize that you are helping him every time and he seriously can not move around in bed without help. Bear in mind that I try not to offer assistance when he truly dosen't need it, I don't want to start him down any paths of dependance until it is truly needed.
But recently it seems that we are in that place where things seem to be accelerating. Since March we have had at least three serious events and I'm not sure when the next one is going occur. Or even what that will be, although I know of a few things that could go south really fast. So I am getting more help and getting Bob to start accepting care from others in even the more sensitive things. He is a very modest man but I just can't keep doing it all and it is getting more and more taxing. So the downword slide is getting steeper and we are rolling faster.
I will fight to keep Bob as healthy and happy as possible for as long as possible. I don't see an expiration date on him anywhere and I am not "giving in" or "giving up". I will keep my roots solidly in God's word and my relationship to Him fresh
"It is of the Lord's mercies that
we are not consumed, because His
compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great
is thy faithfulness.
The Lord is my portion, saith my
soul; therefore will I hope in Him.
The Lord is good unto them that
wait for Him, to the soul that
seeketh Him." (Lam 3:22-25)
I believe that God has been preparing me since the begining of this journey. He has whispered in my heart, giving me an inkling of what is happening, comforted me by showing me encouraging scripture.
"Every place that the sole of your foot shall tread upon, that have I given to you..."
Joshua 1:3
Giving me strength and support, security so I can concentrate on Bob's needs and know that mine are being taken care of.
I am often asked how I can be so cheery, strong, positive. I'm not always, I am a human, boistrus, Irish redhead who can go from nice church lady to a sailor in a heartbeat. But that's the beauty of my relationship with God. He knows, He gave me all the character traits that make me both a wonderful caregiver for Bob and that crusty little sailor. My job is to allow Him to guide me and prepare me for His work, this life, Bob's care and forever after with him.
So here we are, the rock is picking up speed, we are keeping close to God and hoping for a really good long run.
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